So I'm sitting at the bar the other evening — quel surprise — enjoying my tequila (neat, bien sur) with a small beer back. I'd sip one or the other, ponder this or that, look about (I was sitting at The Cliff House, mesmerized by the infinite shades of grey and the dinosaur pelicans swooping by the floor to ceiling windows), then sip some more.
And, as is the way of a buzz, I began to feel good. And after not sipping but gazing, I'd want to feel good some more so I'd turn to the bar where I was faced with my dwindling tequila and beer.
How to feed this buzz? Well, sometimes I'd reach for the tequila, sometimes for the beer. The decision was made according to some obscure algorithm that includes history (my experiences with said beverages), thirst, knowledge of the relative intensity of each elixir, and my desired buzz state.
It's all quite precarious: too much of this, too little of that, and the buzz dissipates or turns sloppy.
But what struck me sitting there making these decisions was how engine-like we are. We take in; we propel and are propelled; we take in again. It's an open circuit. Or, rather, we are so many more or less open circuits — we take in air, glances, french fries, Uni, caresses, pot, smells, emotions.
The intensity of a the drug buzz — alcohol, pot, coffee, cocaine, LSD — is a highly condensed version of what's happening all the time: we are always feeding our buzz. At least, I hope we are. Too often, I suppose, we feed our sickness, we feed our malaise, we feed our weakness. These are nihilistic circuits that lead us towards zero.
But if we think about life — everything we see, do, smell, touch, think, feel — as feeding our buzz, perhaps we'll be more discerning. Just as each sip of tequila or beer, each drag on the joint, each hit of the blotter feeds our buzz, so does each glance, each kiss, each dumpling, each stretch.
I suppose this is all obvious: we are connected to the world, fundamentally. We are constituents within circuits of becoming, circuits of life. Once we assume that, I like this question: How best do I feed my buzz?